Dick Schmelzkopf 2004

We’re taking this night to scout out all the players,
Who’s shooting Q.P.s tons and who are the stayers.
I’ve seen some good darts shot here tonight,
Good enough to give a steady player a fearful fright.

I saw a guy throw a dart through the eye of a needle,
Then this gal knocked the hat off a tiny scarab beetle.
They had to do this to make their out,
That’s what I’m calling “darty clout”.

There were some shots of tequila put back,
Easily enough to fill a kangaroo’s sack.
Dart players as a breed might have one or two,
As a group we’ll drink a whole big slew.

Tons of “tons” were hit,
Not a soul in the house blinked or quit.
These folks all say “I can do”,
They’re great to watch, no one’s ever blue.

QPs were shot by the truckload,
All the dart shooters were in the “shoot good mode”.
It’s beautiful to see when everyone’s hot,
They toe the line and shoot their shot.

Talking about good darts and being in the zone,
I want them all on my team, I think I’ll clone.
If it were “blind draws” tonight, everybody would win,
Which proves being an “A player” ain’t no sin.

If shooting good darts is your personal dream,
Then emulate these guys that’s the scheme.
You can shoot a gnat off a hummingbird’s wing,
This will make you a darters Queen or King.

Not only are the shots they shoot out of sight,
But the sportsmanship is akin to that of the white knight.
The epitome of good sportsmen all,
It makes no difference if they win or they fall.

In darters heaven they’ll all have a place,
Saint Peter would say come on in we have a darters space.
There’s cold beer aplenty you don’t have to race,
A shooter or two for the others, but don’t lose pace.

Einstein and Newton are a couple of our chalkers,
So you dart players don’t have to be walkers.
Albert and Isaac seldom make an error if they get a beer break,
Shoot that “ton” plus and keep em awake.

Too many tequila shooters and they forget to think,
Tequila to a minimum or their math begins to stink.
Toe the line and shoot your best,
Up here we’ll take care of the rest.

It was a good night, half the people won and only half lost,
That’s a good night at darts, no matter the cost.
If you’re not pleased with your darts tonight,
Come back next Tuesday and take a new bite.